Last Wednesday, it was one of those times that I casually mention to you that you will have to sleep in your own room one day. I thought you were like your Jie Jie, who needs a few years to really "move out" from our room. Even as I write now, she's still retaining her PR status.
You said, "OK Mummy, tonight I'll sleep in my own room." I got a shock that you'd say that very night itself, which left me not much time to prepare the bed and even my heart. So I said, "Tomorrow ok, boy boy? Not tonight." And you immediately agreed.
So the next night, on Thursday 31st January 2013 marked a historical milestone in your life. After cleaning up, you sat in your room waiting for mummy, holding on to two chosen story books. Mummy was late as I was tied up with a long distance call to the UK. But when I came in, you showed no agitation nor impatience. You were with your "babies" the soft toys, and after I read half the story of The Little Mermaid to you and tugged you to bed, prayed for you, I walked out. I asked you a few times if you really wanted to sleep in your room, and you assured me yes.
I checked on you a few times until 2am when I finished my work. You were sleeping soundly. The aircon was put on 3 hours timer, the fan on first speed and you were covered. I was worried you would wake in the middle of the night and cry looking for me.
Alas, but you didn't.
Not even when the security alarm woke me at 745am in the morning, when I rush over to check on you. I found you awake, just staring at the rocket light hanging above your bed.
You were so proud you slept in your own room, all by yourself. And Mummy Daddy are proud of you too!
Friday night, we came home late after cell gathering. I know I promised you to put you in your own room, but because you slept early during cell time, I was afraid you might wake middle of the night looking for me. So we placed you in your own bed in our room in your unconscious state.
The next morning, you woke up upset and instead of greeting me, you asked me why I didn't let you sleep in your own room. I was quietly sad that it mattered that much to you, as if sleeping with us now is such a bad thing.
Saturday 2nd February 2013. You reminded me that you'd like to sleep in your own room again. Sigh... I gave a suggestion that you can always sleep in mummy's room, but you insisted your way. So I guess you're really growing up now.
Again I tugged you in, and after saying our prayer, I left you with such a heavy heart. That night mummy cried missing you, boy boy.
I missed you holding my hair which I think you do so little now, and you don't hug me and say you love me enough. When I went to check on you at 1am, I stroke you hair and missed you even more.
I asked myself if I had done right by saying that you should sleep in your own room ONE DAY. I didn't know you'd just take my suggestion and go. I didn't know you'd even want to sleep in your own room EVERY NIGHT now. I mean, you're NOT even 5, boy boy... is this how soon you'll be leaving me? Then my thought flew to the inevitable... when you'll be leaving me for university and that would be less than 15 years' time. So that means another 15 cakes and you'll be... GONE!
Can my heart really take this? I mean, Daddy and I always joked that you'd be leaving us one day, and he'll tease me that you'll put your girlfriend before your insecure mother. Well, can you imagine this... your insecure mother have EVEN a trying time now to adjust to you moving to your own room!! So, I did what an insecure mother would do... I told Daddy to tell you to hug me and kiss me more, haha!
Daddy did just that - he slept on the floor that night, waited for you to wake so he can tell you that the first thing in the morning. Today you kissed me soooo many times and I really think you're such a darling! But that doesn't change the fact that you still want to sleep in your own room, everynight. You said this to me this morning, "Mummy, I love you and I will sleep with you SOMETIMES only but other times, I will sleep in my own room."
So William, you have now tasted a little independence and loving it. Maybe you're a boy too, and like to feel good that you have your own "territory" - your own room.
I love you. Remember our book, "Mummy's Little Boy?" You'll always be Mummy's little boy. Forever.
Love,
Mummy
5 comments:
William's such a brave boy who is growing up into a sweet little boy. And he's def. mummy's blue eyed boy alright.
He is such a sweet boy :)
:)
Yeah it is definitely surprising that William had taken his first step of independance so well...esp for his age. Well done.
I can totally relate with your feeling. Ryan is gonna be 7 and we are still stalling for time for him to move to his own room. He does ask occasionally but hubs and I can't let go just yet.
aww... so sweet and touching:)
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