Growing Up

Look, by now if you've been reading my blog long enough or know be close enough, to know that I'm pretty emotional and sentimental when it comes to certain things close to my heart.  Certain thoughts can make my eyes got misty very fast.

It's been a long time since I last walked my son into class ever since we started this morning car pooling routine with a neighbor whose daughter studies in the same school.  Also, it's always so convenient to drop the kids off at the entrance where the teachers are ever ready to open your car door, bring the child out, and then the child walks straight into the school.  Also, we are always almost right on the dot on time, so it makes sense not to park, because it will take another 5 minutes.

So having said all that, I haven't had much chance to walk my boy in, unlike last year when he was in the afternoon session.

But last Friday I had the chance.  So I strolled into class with him, and wished him good bye.  He bade me good bye mummy, and then walked to his table and as I watched him just a couple of metres away, he happily chatted with his friends, as if he forgotten me so soon.

I lingered a few seconds more, before feeling a little out of place as the teacher went about her morning routine checking on the kids and I stood there like a mother hoping.

Yes, I was a mother hoping.

I smiled and walked off to the door where the partition of the 6 year and 5 year old classes were.  That was a good 10 metres away from my boy but I had a good view of him still.  He was looking in my direction as he chatted with his friend still... and I seized the moment to blow him not one, but TWO flying kisses.  I knew it landed on his cheeks, as they always did.  He saw them coming.  But that was all he did.

Sob sob.

That was all he did.  He just looked at me for that two seconds, then continued on with his friend.

Sigh.

I left to the waiting car outside and shared my heart with hubby.  All he said was, "I told you so, one day he will ..."  Pretty consoling huh.

At home in the afternoon I shared my heart with my little boy.  The one who always hugged and kissed me, assured me a hundred times a day and more, on how much he loved me.  The one who would play with my hair everytime he misses me.  The one who'd plant oily kisses on my cheeks during meals.

Yes, he has not stopped, albeit all these love gestures have lessen.  But I asked him why didn't he return my flying kisses, nor did he hug or kiss me goodbye in the morning?

Then he shared with me that it was because when he did that, his friends would always tease him and laugh at him.  He had to hide behind the little partitions to kiss me in the beginning of the year.  They'd tease him for saying that he loves me.

I am wondering why kids that age can be so mean.  Don't they hug and kiss their mommies?  Don't they love their mommies too?  So I told my boy, "If something happen to mommy and that was your last chance to kiss and hug me, and you did not... because you were afraid your friends laughed at you... how would you feel?"

And let that thought linger in him.

Oh well.  Deep in me I know hubby is right.  One day.  My boy is growing up.  But I still hold on to his promises to me, that he'd still hug and kiss me in front of his friend EVEN when he's in college, he'd still hold my hands to cross the road, he'd still play with my hair and tell me he loves me, he'd still bring me out for lunches and call me now and then when he's started work as an adult.

Yes, those were his promises.

I write them down here with tears streaming down my cheeks, and hope he will keep them.