I am grieving over my loss

Yesterday night hubs and I went out for a simple dinner celebration at 1 Utama where we also ran our errands. No more time for nice, romantic dinners at secret hideouts or a hundred roses like our first anniversary, but these days we have to be practical and eat where we are familiar and convenient to run some errands. No complaints, because times together just he and i are so rare and precious.

But last night, before I slept, I wept. I was inconsolable, and as I pointed to the words of William's storybook on the bed, I could not open my mouth, because I was too emotional over what we have lost. I cover my wet face with William's storybook as I sob away.

The hour before, hubs and I searched high and low, each armed with a torchlight, in his car for my lost Canon S90. This is my baby that I have loved even before it came into my life, and fate has it that my Canon S90 should stay with us exactly for ONE YEAR 2 DAYS.

We can't find the S90 in the house, and for a short time I thought William played and hid it, but he firmly said no when I asked him. He even suggested, that "maybe Kakak hid it."

I am sad. And that's an understatement. The thoughts of where it could be, the restaurant that we ate in? Or the news agent that we dropped by after dinner to pick up a magazine? We suspect the later, but we called the restaurant as well and thank God someone from another branch answered and helped check for us.

This morning I headed back to the news agent in One Utama, and was already in contact with a guy from their HQ, who has informed the outlet supervisor to check the store and query the cashier. Negative. I filled up a "lost" form at the shopping mall's customer service, and visited the restaurant again. Everyone seemed helpful and assured me of their security based on their CCTV installed.

Alas, the news agent's HQ called in the afternoon to apologize that they are unable to check their CCTV as it was not on at that outlet, and the other cashier (there were two last night) also denied having seen my camera which was in my new Coach pouch (which my bro bought for me from US only last November).

I am sad. I am freaking sad. And as I write this, my mind flashback again to the times spent "together with my S90" and all those wonderful pictures and videos, the memories created together, the times I sit on my bed or laze on the sofa to run through the pictures. The feel of the buttons, and everything about it.

How can this have happened? Losing the S90 hurts me, and you may think I'm crazy, because it's just a camera. Get a new one? I don't want any other cameras to replace my S90, I don't even want another S90. I have pictures and videos still in my camera, what will happen to those pictures? Will they fall into the wrong hands?

This afternoon I shared what happened with Vic as she was sleeping last night and did not know. She offered me her camera but I gently turned down her offer that all I want, was to have my S90 back.

Give me time to grieve over my loss. Maybe a few weeks, maybe a few months. But I rather go pictureless for some time, putting up only those that was taken before this happened.

My heart pains, and I am filled with regrets - please don't talk to me about my camera just yet because I might just break down again.